


dreaming is free

by ratherbeblue



Series: Dreaming is Free [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Dreamsharing, M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:19:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23823700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ratherbeblue/pseuds/ratherbeblue
Summary: When Fjord dreams he’s in the woods.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Series: Dreaming is Free [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1848910
Comments: 6
Kudos: 77





	dreaming is free

**Author's Note:**

> my contribution for day 5 of fjorclay week! hope you enjoy!

When Fjord dreams he’s in the woods. 

It goes like this, he falls asleep, in his bed, in the streets, wherever, and he wakes up in a clearing in some woods he’s never been in before. Except he doesn’t really wake up, he knows because he can do things in the forest he could never do awake. Sparks of light flitter up from his fingertips, lighting the way, and he can feel so much more than usual. It’s as if the whole forest is breathing with him and he can feel each inhale as if it were his own, each plant he brushes past seems to call out to him, saying hello or wishing him well. It’s a nice place to dream.

He doesn’t know why it happens, no one’s ever mentioned their dreams to him and he doesn’t dare ask, he’s learned to keep most questions to himself.

In his childhood the forest was green and lush, exotic compared to the flora he is used to on the coast. It’s beautiful, and he loves it, really, though maybe not as much as he loves the siren’s call of the open sea, the promise of something new. The sea calls to him when he is awake just like the warm wind of the woods call to him while he sleeps. 

The first week of working on Vandren’s ship goes by in a rush, he doesn’t dream at all, falling deeply asleep the moment his head hits the pillow night after night. When he finally does dream again the woods are quiet in a way they never had been before.

Tendrils of grey and black wind their way through the normally bright and verdant trees and a feeling of dread curls in Fjord’s stomach.

He starts moving through the forest, more frantically than usually, worried that maybe his absence had caused this and he could somehow find a way to fix it.

The plants start to hum around him as he moves through the thick brush, he’s always wandered, seemingly in circles, but now it’s as if he’s going someplace completely new. He enters a clearing and the humming stops.

Fjord suddenly realizes there’s someone else in the forest.

He sees him, meditating in a clearing though there’s no saying how far or close this one is to the one he always wakes up in, the woods are funny that way, they like to move and change each time he visits. 

The other man’s ears flick up at the sound of him entering the clearing, and his eyes open. He’s some strange race Fjord’s never seen before, his ears long like an elf’s, but slanted downward, almost bovine which matches his strange flat nose. He’s got hair that falls in strings around his face where it escapes the curved pick holding it up, and it’s colored somehow, pink mostly but with strands of green and blue as well. He’s tall too, probably around the same height as Alda, the goliath woman that worked on the ship. 

“Oh, there you are.” The man says, the tone of someone who has been waiting for eternity with endless patience, light and understanding.

“Yes… I’m sorry, do I know you?” Fjord asks.

“In a way, but no, not yet I think.” The man says, infuriatingly vague. “I would have remembered.”

“I-” Fjord clears his throat, smiles despite himself. “I daresay I would have as well.”

The other man smiles.

A bird caws in the distance.

The other man sighs.

“I suppose that’s all the time we get.” He says regretfully. “Until next time.”

“Until next time.” Fjord echoes, unsure and uneasy at the brief interaction that he has no time to dissect because as quick as the words left his mouth he found himself awake in his small crew bed, the sound of seagulls already outside.

  


.

  


It’s strange after that, when Fjord goes to sleep he feels as if he has a goal, to find the strange man again, to ask his name, ask where they are and why. In the short moment spent with him Fjord felt that he must know more than him, he didn’t seem surprised to see him, more like he had been waiting, for how long though, and for what? The thoughts swam around Fjord’s head the next night, inadvertently impeding the sleep he knows he needs.

Eventually he wakes up in the forest. 

It looks exactly the same as it had the night before and he immediately stands, then realizes he doesn’t know where to go. 

Fjord clears his throat, and feeling more than a little silly, leans into one of the hanging vines.

“Um, excuse me, uh, do you happen to know where the other fellow might be?”

The vine doesn’t respond, but he does feel a cool breeze push past him, curling the vine to the left in the process.

“Thank you.” He says quietly, and follows.

It happens much the same as before, the sound of him approaching must alert the other because his ears perk up, his eyes open, and he smiles. His eyes, Fjord notices for the first time, now that he’s less distracted, that they are pink. It’s oddly charming, Fjord thinks, he’s never met someone with pink eyes before.

“Back again.”

Fjord clears his throat again.

“Of course, I… forgive me I’m not quite sure what’s going on, but I’ve never seen anyone else here before. How… how did you get here?”

The man gives him an odd look.

“No one’s told you about the dreams?”

Fjord flushes in embarrassment.

“I guess I didn’t have anyone to explain it to me.”

“That’s alright, I think I can, come over here.” He reaches out an arm, beckoning him closer to the grassy, mushroom dotted patch he sits on.

Fjord follows, takes his hand, and then laughs, making the other man give him another questioning look.

“I just remembered, I don’t even know your name.”

That made the other laugh too.

“Caduceus, Caduceus Clay, and you?”

“Fjord, um… just Fjord.” He says haltingly.

“That’s a good name.” Caduceus says, still holding Fjord’s hand in his larger ones, and it should be weird, it should be uncomfortable, but something in Fjord tells him not to worry too much about it.

“You mentioned that you’ve never seen anyone else here, I… I don’t expect you ever will.”

“No? Why is that? Where are we?”

“It’s… complicated to explain, I guess my parents have always told us about the dreams, they’re a place where your soul feels most at peace, for us it seems to be the forest where I live, sorry about that, I’m guessing you’re not from around here so it must be strange.”

“Not at all, I mean, it is strange, but don’t be sorry. I love it here, really.”

“That’s nice… I’m glad you do, it’ll probably be where you meet me, I don’t get out much.” He mused.

“Meet you?”

Caduceus’ eyes widen. “If you want to, I mean. I don’t want you to feel obligated to…Sorry, I forget you don’t know.”

“What is it?”

“Well, oh it’s hard to explain this… This is the place where your soul feels most at peace, and I’m here because… I’m supposed to be the person your soul feels most at peace with.”

“Soulmates?” Fjord asks, having heard the word before but never really asked about it, the life of an orphan gone sailor isn’t the most conducive to healthy romantic entanglements. 

“Some would call it that.” Caduceus wasn’t making eye contact with him, but Fjord wishes he would.

“I… had no idea. Huh, soulmates?”

“It, it doesn’t have to be… romantic, if that changes anything.”

Nervousness is strange on Caduceus, Fjord thinks, even after knowing him for just a few moments. 

“I can’t wait to meet you, Caduceus Clay.” Fjord says encouragingly. “Where exactly are you from?”

Caduceus smiles again, anxiety leaving his body in one steady wave. 

They spend the rest of the night talking, sharing information, moreso on Caduceus’ part, where they are from, where they want to go, what their families are like. They talk and talk and talk all night until a sharp crack in the distance makes Fjord’s head turn. When he looks back he’s awake in his bed.

Fjord grasps at the warm sheets around him and sighs, he feels more well-rested than he has in his life, and he tries not to think too deeply about what that means for him.

The light of real life is harsh compared to the hazy dream he’s lived. When he’s in the dream he doesn’t think about things like other people’s opinions or his expectations for himself, they all seem so small and far away, and now, walking up onto the deck and hearing the harsh words and cutting jabs from his crewmates feels like someone dumping a bucket of cold water over his head.

  


.

  


The next night goes much the same as the one before, and they continue, night after night, finding each other, sharing about their lives and their days. Fjord tells him he’s an orphan, tells him about the ship, Caduceus is understanding, steady and open in a way that Fjord is so unused to, it just makes him like him more and more.

They don’t talk about the soulmate thing too much, Caduceus knows that it makes Fjord uncomfortable in ways he can’t quite articulate if he lingers on the thought of it and Fjord is grateful for his quiet understanding, the way he never strays over the lines they’ve both drawn. 

Still sometimes Fjord feels it, deep in the pit of his stomach when Caduceus looks at him a certain way, or rambles on about a new plant, or does anything really, he feels the urge to know exactly what his lips feel like against his own. He thinks Caduceus would let him, but somehow that scares him more. 

The problem is that Caduceus is beautiful and strong and magical in ways that he can’t even imagine. It’s a problem because if he was simply ordinary then Fjord wouldn’t be feeling these things and he could just go about his life during the day without thinking about his long lashes and low voice and the way he holds flowers so tenderly in his large hands. He could go about his day and pretend he wasn't the way he was, an outsider and an outcast in every way possible at this point. He could be the man he thinks he wants to be, and who he wants to be is Vandren. 

He’s respected and strong and someone who people listen to when he walks into a room. He’s everything Fjord isn’t and that weighs heavy on his mind during the day. During the night he doesn’t feel the same need though, and Caduceus always makes him feel listened to.

The years go on and the grey tendrils creep further and further into the forest, which Fjord now knows is an approximation of the Blooming Grove where Caducues lives, they seem to touch almost everything as time passes by. Caduceus tells him that his parents have left, then his siblings, and Fjord knows he is lonely during the daytime, he is too if he’s being honest..

Fjord tries to make it better, makes him focus on the time that they can be together, and promises him that the next time they reach the Menagerie Coast that he’ll travel north straight away. He knows Caduceus doesn’t believe him, but knows it’s a nice sentiment all the same. 

Caduceus has grown tired, he can tell, he’s always been thin but now it seems like the sickness of the forest is infecting him as well, making him gaunt and paler than usual.

  


.

  


The ship goes down in the middle of the day, the night before him and Caduceus had shared stories from their childhood, Caduceus about his siblings and how they tortured each other, and Fjord about how he used to sneak out to play on the beach and found out the hard way not to mess with shells you think are empty. It was mundane and playful and not at all the kind of goodbye Fjord would have given him had he known that’s what it would be.

But as it is, he goes unconscious when he hits the water, wakes up in a space that is dark and cold and so unlike the forest he is used to. A golden eye opens in front of him, and for a long time he doesn’t dream of the Blooming Grove at all.


End file.
